Sad Dreams and Sweet Flowers
by SmilingChipmunk
Summary: Kanda still has dreams about Alma, and he can't forget her. But the arrival of a new exorcist does manage to distract him a little...sometimes even make him forget for a while. Sweet and sad two-shot, a bit of KandaXfem!Alma and KandaXOC.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray-Man.

AN: Hello! This would be my second DGM story, it was just something I really had to write, because I find Alma and Kanda's story so sad. I really want the pissy Kanda to seem happy at least once. So this will be a sort of fem!AlmaXKanda, but mostly KandaXOC. Kanda might seem a little OOC in the dreams, but it's just the way I imagine him acting around Alma, that's the vibe I get from the manga anyway. Also, I was super suprised to find out he likes gardening, but...it fits, so I'm happy.

This story will probably be a two chapter story, it's quite short but I hope you like it. Warning: swearing.

* * *

**Otomo No Yakamochi**

Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.

* * *

_It was so bright. He couldn't open his eyes, could only squint against the harsh glare. In the distance, he could see someone, someone smiling. She had a ponytail and she spun, long coat spinning with her as she waved. He raised his own hand hesitantly, and the glare lessened a little. He knows this dream. He's had it so many times that he knows exactly what's coming next. _

_She sits near the edge of a pond, legs tucked to the side and she beckons, still smiling widely. _

"_Come on! Stop being so serious!" She laughs, patting their patch of grass beside her. He sighs, he know he's not going to win. Not against her. _

"_It's not a good idea to relax here."He reminded sternly, but he felt his face soften as she pouted, holding her hand out. _

"_Just for a little while. It's so beautiful." She took hold of his hand and he couldn't stop a smile making its way across his face as he let her tug him beside her. She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her shoulders, looking up out onto the water. The breeze was gentle and the peaceful sound of rustling leaves and birds singing added to the tranquillity of the scene. To tell the truth, he didn't really particularly care about the lotus flowers she was so fond of. But she loved them, so he did too. _

_She said…..they were dear to her because they symbolized the fate of exorcists. _

"_Not as beautiful as you," He said with a smile. It was a smile only she knew how to bring out of him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be caught dead with such a bright expression. She flushed, a happy smile forming on her lips. _

_He was never like this around anyone else, in fact, some would say he was downright unpleasant. He didn't deny it. He felt like he could only breathe easy around her. She turned and hugged him tightly, like it was the last time they would ever. He tightened his arms around her, he didn't want to let go. _

"_We saw the lotus flowers together, Yu."_

_He could practically hear the smile on her face. _

"_Yeah, didn't I promise?"He tilted his head against hers. _

"_You did. But I just wanted to be with you. As long as we're together, everything will be alright. I love you." _

"_I love you too, Alma."_

* * *

Kanda shot awake, covered in a cold sweat. The sun was peeking over the horizon, the first rays of light shining through the window. Why did that dream have such a feeling of finality, yet leave him feeling so goddamn….alone? He hated it. That...want, that need to be with her, it dug up emotions he didn't want to feel. He didn't want to feel longing, he didn't want to feel _anything_, unless it was anger or satisfaction from slicing something.

He shook his head, getting dressed for the day and heading out into the forest to train for a while. It always helped clear his head. Stepping out into the cool morning air, he took a deep breath, calming down a little.

Suddenly, humming interrupted his thoughts and his hand flew to the handle of Mugen. Moving quietly and cautiously through the trees, he spotted someone squatting in front of a small patch of dirt, watering small buds with a silver watering can. A haze of water droplets hung in the air, casting a small rainbow in the morning sun.

He blinked a couple of times. For a moment he saw _her_ in front of the plants. He almost called out to her. It must've been the remnants of the dream. The person who was actually squatting there was a girl with light brown hair tied into a loose ponytail that rested and hung down her left shoulder. She had on a simple black summer dress and a green gardening apron on top. She wore black flats and was balancing on the tips of her toes, beside her were a pair of sharp shears that glinted.

The glare of the rising sun was behind her, and he had to raise his hand to avoid the harsh light. It was so bright.

He vaguely knew her, he had seen her when Lenalee was taking her around the Order. She was some rookie that recently got recruited or she got sent here after she synced with the innocence, either way, he hadn't taken much notice. She was probably going to die soon anyway.

He suddenly grit his teeth together, that thought, one he had about many people, suddenly made his stomach clench in anxiety and….fear? He grit his teeth together, no fucking way was he feeling afraid. He was probably just hungry, he had avoided going into the dining room last night because he didn't feel like watching the bean sprout demolish his food like some sort of cursed human garbage disposal.

He made a rustle as he stepped back into the brushes, and she glanced up.

_Oh, shit. _People always seemed to want to make conversation in these kinds of situations.

But she just gave a tiny smile nodded in greeting. The nod he gave back was almost just a knee jerk reaction and he turned back to the forest. He had spotted that patch of dirt she was working on, he had been planning to drop by and try growing something, but there was no way in hell he would be going back now.

* * *

I brushed a strand of stray hair back from my face, standing up and wiping sweat from my forehead. I had finished watering and fixing up a small wooden gate around the miniature garden I had set up. The sun had only just risen, but the bright rays were extremely hot.

I didn't usually get this warm that easily, but I got a little nervous when I saw the tall Japanese man from the Order. He had long black hair tied up into a high pony tail and he wasn't dressed like he was when I last saw him, rather than his Order uniform he was wearing, well, he just had bandages around his chest and loose black pants. He had dark eyes that were piercing, even though our eyes only met for a second, it was like he electrified me with that _look_. 'Staring daggers' was an understatement.

I leaned back to peer into the trees and if I concentrated hard, I could hear the sound of a sword slicing through the air in the distance. Well, it wasn't like I had anything to do. I slipped the apron over my head and put away the watering can, picking up my shears. I was surprised there was such a large area of trees on the plateau with the castle, but I was a little glad.

Before I came here, I was a normal girl, helping out at my family's florist. Of course, I hated it and would complain all day about having to work with flowers with thorns, insects, fertiliser and all that, just like a normal person. But now I was here, I found working with the things I was familiar with comforting and calming.

I used to be a normal girl, I laughed with my sister, fought with my siblings(usually my brother)….really, the only thing odd about me was that I used to get into brawls and arguments. The rowdier boys where I used to live would mess around at the shop, and that's when I tended to get angry and start a few fights. I didn't look like the type to fight at all, if anything, I usually gave people the impression that I was very quiet, calm and gentle.

I never dreamed that I would become compatible with….innocence and get recruited just like that. Oddly enough, my parents were delighted. I would get a fresh start, a place where I could make friends rather than pick fights, find a 'good boy' and take him back to meet the family. They figured, well, it's a place where there are strong people, right? Someone ought to be able to knock the violent out of me. They told me to be nice, not to lose my temper and try to be polite at all times. I would've done that without the huge lecture, but I _was_ trying to be a little more docile.

I knocked branches and leaves out of the way as I stepped through the bush and greenery, walking closer to the sounds of swishing. I exhaled a little loudly and the swishing stopped abruptly. I didn't even have time to blink before I heard a low voice from behind me.

"What do you want?" It was grating and full of annoyance. I turned my head slowly, raising my arms in a surrendering motion but still holding onto my shears. It was him, the man from before. He had one arm raised, the one holding onto his sword, which was now pointed at my throat.

"I was just going to take a look at what you were doing. I didn't mean to interrupt." I smiled apologetically, stepping back from the dangerous looking swordsman.

"Che. It's too late now." He grumbled, but didn't lower his hand.

"I'm really sorry…." I backed away further until I felt my foot slip right into a ditch and it twisted. I tripped and fell backwards, bracing myself against the ground with my hands.

"Ouch!" The shears dropped beside me and I cradled my foot, glancing down at it.

Out of my peripheral vision, I could see the look the long haired swordsman was giving me, a look of incredulity and 'how stupid can you get?'

Swallowing my pride, I looked up to him.

"Um….sorry to bother you again, but do you mind helping me up?"I asked. He lowered his arm, sheathing the gleaming sword and crossing his arms. He actually looked like he was contemplating whether to help me or not. I pushed down the outrage and took a deep breath.

"Alright…. I'll just get up myself." I picked up my shears again, stabbing it into the ground and using it to propel me up shakily. I kept the weight off my ankle but still stumbled a little. I would have fallen again if arms hadn't come and held me steady.

"You look pathetic. It's disgraceful." With ease, he hoisted me up and over his shoulder, holding me like a sack of potatoes. He started walking back into the building, steadily making his way up the stairs.

"H-hold on, what are you doing?" I protested, trying to squirm out of his grip.

"I'm helping you, what else, idiot?" He said impatiently, like he was talking to a child.

"Do…do you have to help me in this particular way?" I strained my neck to try talk to his face. This was not the most glorified way of being carried. In fact, it was downright embarrassing to be handled like this.

"How else do you want to get up the stairs with that ankle? Looks sprained." His surprisingly silky ponytail hit me in the face as I felt his head turn to look at my ankle. I only just realised it was throbbing uncomfortably and it hurt enough that I started to grind my teeth together.

"Well, I'll even take piggy back, just not this!" I said imploringly.

"Beggars can't be choosers."

_...Alright then. _

"You have a nice ponytail, sir. Must've taken a while to grow out. I just happen to have a pair of sharp shears. It would be an awful shame if I accidentally cut this pretty hair of yours off!" I threatened cheerfully, hoping he could hear the smile in my voice. My heart stopped for a second as I felt my stomach drop, and I actually thought he had decided to drop me on the stairs.

Instead, I was looking up, but not from the floor. He was holding me in front of him, in his arms. He looked straight ahead, his steady ascension of the stairs never slowing. I held the shears in my lap, he carried me like I was as light as a doll and I coughed.

"Thank you, I was happy with being piggy backed as well." I looked away.

"Where you're even closer to my hair? No freaking way, scissors." He glanced down, those eyes again….daggers right through my entire body.

_So he wasn't being polite…_

"Scissors?" I raised an eyebrow. He didn't reply, and I stared incredulously at him. He was calling me scissors because of my shears….?

"Sorry for the late introduction, but my name is actually Bryony Mason. Not…scissors." I frowned.

"Shut up, scissors."He smirked.

Oh, now that was a clear taunt!

"And what might your name be, kind gentleman?" I bit out, a fake smile plastered on my face.

_Don't lose your temper. He's just teasing. _

We finally reached the floor where the infirmary is and he stalked through the halls quickly.

"You won't live long enough to need to know."

My eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat at his blatant disregard and insult. I thought we had reached some level of amicability, but I was clearly wrong. He was really just a jerk.

I sat up and angrily stared him in the eye.

"You're blocking my vision." He said flatly, staring straight back. I punched him as hard as I could and managed to catch him off guard enough to make him drop me. I fell to the floor, but I didn't really care, I didn't want to be helped by a guy that thought I wasn't going to live long enough to know his name. Was knowing his name some sort of privilege that only the survivors had?

_Ouch, my hand…._

"Oh. My. God. Did I really just see that? Allen, please tell me you saw that too."

I was almost too angry to care who was talking, but I heard footsteps come padding over.

"Stupid Kanda, why'd you drop her?" The white haired boy I had met briefly earlier knelt by my side, glaring at the tall, uncaring 'Kanda'. I guess he had been around long enough to know his name.

"She punched me. Anyway, you two idiots are here now. She screwed up her ankle." With that, he swivelled deftly and strode away. I stuck my tongue out at him from behind, hoping he would fall down the stairs.

"Are you alright?" Allen, I'm guessing, asked kindly. I tried not to stare in curiosity at the line beginning with a star down the left side of his face, down his eye.

"Without him, I'm more than fine, I'm ecstatic."I used my good foot to lean to one side, pushing myself up with my hands.

"Whoa there, be careful." The red head held out his hands, I had forgotten most people's names. I just remembered his face, the eye patch and the green bandana.

"Um, Br…Bree…"Allen's face twisted into one of thought, trying to remember my name.

"Bryony, bean sprout. C'mon, she's from England too!" The red head teased.

"It's Allen. Anyway, Bryony, do you need help getting to the infirmary?" He offered his arm. I touched the ground lightly with my injured foot and tried to put weight on it. I immediately winced at the sharp pain and grabbed onto his arm to regain my balance.

"Yes please. Also, just call me Bree. I don't like my name." I limped along, heavily depending on Allen. He looked ridiculously young, maybe fifteen or sixteen. I felt a little pitiable, being older by about a year.

"Are you gonna need these?" The red head dangled my shears on the ends of his fingers.

"Oh, yes!" I held my hand out and he flipped it so he was holding the blade end and the handle was facing me.

"Thank you, uh…." I looked at him apologetically.

"Lavi, at your service!" He said brightly.

"Thank you, Lavi." I smiled at him. Back home, I was good at making friends, in a way it was essential for business, but because of my unsavoury reputation, other kids were usually banned from talking to me. He blinked in surprise, and then grinned back.

"It's fine. You've got one heck of a smile, you know that? A definite _strike_ smile. Actually….strike in general!" He looked like he just realised something, nodding in self affirmation.

"Please ignore him, he's just a perverted, immature kid. But why _do_ you have those…?" Allen looked at my shears.

"Um…don't people here usually carry around their innocence…?" I tilted my head. Allen looked a little surprised for a minute.

"You…chose that as your weapon?"

"That's pretty funky, Bree!" Lavi exclaimed.

"It's the only thing I know how to use that does a relative amount of damage…" I knew how pathetic that sounded. It really was the only thing I knew how to use that could be close to being called a weapon. Allen opened a door and led me into a room filled with beds that weren't all empty. A tall woman with her hair in a bun looked up from one of the beds.

"Yo, head nurse! Bree here hurt her ankle by…." Lavi trailed off and glanced at me. "How did you hurt your ankle? Did Yu do it?"

I tilted my head in confusion.

"You? As in me?" I pointed at myself.

"Oh, no, Yu is Kanda's first name, didn't you know?" Lavi said.

_Of course it is. Yu Kanda….._I fumed.

"I didn't." I gave a tight lipped smile. Allen glanced at me worriedly, shooting a glance at Lavi.

"Stop hanging around in the doorway, hurry and take a seat." The head nurse took my arm gently and led me to a bed.

"So how did you injure yourself?" She asked, examining my ankle. I smiled sheepishly, blushing a little at the ditzy reason.

"I slipped in a small hole outside." I scratched my cheek. Lavi raised an eyebrow and Allen just sighed in relief. Did he really think the swordsman was pissed off enough to hurt me?

"I see. Well, it's not too bad, with some ice and a small splint, you should be up and about by tonight. One of you should stay with her to make sure she doesn't fall, I'm going to go get the ice now." She hurried off after setting my foot down.

"You guys can just go, I'll be quite alright by myself." I smiled reassuringly.

"No, one of us should stay. They were head nurse's orders, it would be bad if…." Lavi shivered and Allen twitched as well.

"Do ya mind, Allen? Gramps has got me memorising a stack of books." He gestured to the library.

"Go ahead, I don't have much to do right now anyway."

"Thanks bean sprout!"

"It's Allen!" Allen called out exasperatedly to the quickly departing red head.

"Sorry Allen, I didn't mean to take away your day." I frowned.

"No, it's fine! I'm not busy at all."He waved his hands. The head nurse came back and fixed up my ankle quickly before hurrying to tend other injured patients. There was an awkward silence after she left and I tried to think up a topic.

"So, Allen-"I started but was interrupted by a long whining growl emitting from Allen's stomach.

"Sorry, I haven't eaten yet…" He smiled sheepishly.

"Ah! Then we should go eat!" I immediately said, testing my ankle on the floor. "That should be fine, I can hobble to the dining room with you."

"Really…?" Allen asked sceptically but another grumble erupted from his stomach.

"Really."

* * *

As we made our way to the hall, Mr. _Yu Kanda_ was just walking out. I considered calling out his name, but stopped. I would prove to him I could make him tell me his name. His eyes flicked over us quickly, and it might've been my imagination, but it lingered on the hand Allen had on my elbow.

The look passed and he strode past without a second glance. He was always wearing a scowl or a serious expression, but there was something underneath it that seemed familiar to me. The look that was always underlying on his face, the cold and grave eyes, the set jaw.

I knew that expression, working in a florist exposed me to smitten expressions, suave ones, you could almost always tell what flowers someone was after just by their age, gender and expression.

_So what does that expression mean?_

Allen mistook my silence and tried to perk me up.

"Don't worry about stupid Kanda, he's like that to everyone."

"Really….he's just that…unpleasant?" I grimaced.

"Uh huh. Rude, too. Impertinent. Impatient, angry, annoying, broody, selfish…" Allen listed and I stifled a laugh with my hand. He glanced over in surprise and I coughed apologetically into my hand.

"Sorry, it was just…amusing to hear. This place seems to peaceful and calm all the time….even though I hated my loud brother, I missed it a little. It's a relief to see there's some bickering," I said.

"Peaceful…you could say that…" Allen laughed uneasily.

* * *

Kanda fidgeted in the meditation room, his mind wouldn't settle down. He gritted his teeth, he had been here for ages trying to calm down, but pictures and thoughts kept popping into his head.

"_Yu…..I love you." _

"Shit!" He swore, eyes flying open. Her voice, it pierced right through him and spread like an arrow dipped in poison. Hell, he should know, how many times has he been infected by the akuma virus? But this was different. It was a different infection, one that made his heart speed and stomach twist. He got up angrily and stormed out of the room, glad that the hallway was empty.

He would've been tempted to just beat up the first person he met. He slammed the door to his room shut with a bang, slumping over as he sat on the edge of the bed. He sighed, clenching his hands together so hard he started to bleed. Of course, it healed almost immediately.

Why was his….damn, he didn't even like to think about it, need for her so bad today?

He would never admit that he still thought about her, even though the body that had been with her was long dead, as was she. It was pitiful that he had an empty space in his chest.

"_And what might your name be, kind gentleman?"_ Suddenly, the stupid face of the girl he had seen earlier today popped into his head. She was clearly holding in a lot of annoyance, but she forced a twitchy smile on.

_Bryony Mason_.

Damn. Why did he have to remember her name so well?

* * *

Every day for the next couple of weeks, she was there without fail, at the small garden near where he trained, either watering or weeding or doing something to tend to the flowers she was growing there.

There was an array of types but only one main flower, and sometimes he could hear her humming. She would be forcefully polite, and he would usually ignore her. Seeing her made him feel uncomfortable, like there was something gnawing in his stomach, so it was better just to ignore her.

Easier said than done. Every morning, he started to look for her first, listening for her humming, anything to indicate she was there. He told himself it was to make sure he knew who was around him while he was training. Sometimes she would talk to him after he was done, always trying to learn his name and making conversation.

He rarely replied or held up his end of the conversation, but he noticed that he didn't feel like ripping out her throat when she talked, unlike some people. He noticed she became more relaxed as well, sometimes even laughing.

He wanted to hate her. He hated the fact that he didn't hate her.

But he couldn't help but listen. She hated the name Bryony because the white Bryony was a weed-with red poisonous berries-, but it was a tradition in her family. He now knew several species of insects that liked flowers.

Worst of all, he didn't find it boring.

Time passed, and the flowers grew.

* * *

AN: So that's the first chapter! I hope I kept them in character, I tried my best :D Thanks for reading, and please leave a review to tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray-Man.

AN: So this is the last chapter, I probably won't turn it into a story...because I'm not really sure where I would go with it, unless anyone has some ideas, in which case I would be glad to try :D I was really happy writing this though, I just wanted them to have some sort of happy ending. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

_**Lotus Flower-Radiohead**_

_There's an empty space inside my heart_

_Where the weeds take root_  
_Tonight I'll set you free, I'll set you free_

_'Cause all I want is the moon upon a stick_  
_Just to see what if, just to see what is_  
_The bird lights float into my room_  
_Slowly we unfurl as lotus flowers_

* * *

Kanda swung Mugen one last time, letting out his breath slowly. He loosened his grip and was about to sheathe the katana when he heard an appreciative sigh.

"Hmmm…? That was very graceful…."

_Bryony Mason._

She sat on a rock, chin rested in her palms and the usual forced, smile was gone, one of sincere admiration in its place. Her eyes, light brown and usually narrowed, were gentle. He quickly hid his surprise at the fond expression, hardening his gaze.

"How did you get there?" There was an unspoken 'without me noticing' attached to the question.

"I was just really quiet. You looked really engrossed, I probably could've danced without you noticing." The dreamy look was quickly fading from her face.

"Hmph. I doubt it, not with your coordination." He walked to stand beside her sitting spot, looking at her from the corner of his eye.

"Ah, there he is, grumpy." She sighed, letting her chin slip off her hand disappointingly. She had been calling him that lately.

"Don't call me that," He said sharply.

"Then tell me your name!" She burst out, getting up from her spot on the rock and then coughing. "Please." She added.

It had almost become a game, a sinister bullying on his part. He didn't tell her because he didn't want her to call his name.

"Survive a mission first," He said simply, leaving her behind. He heard her angry growl behind him, and he smirked.

* * *

"_What's wrong?" He asked as she pulled back from the hug. She smiled wistfully, twirling around and intertwining her fingers behind her back. _

"_It's time, don't you think?" She looked out at the water, the familiar twinkle back in her eye as she sighed contently. Her hair flew gently around her face as the wind stirred it up and she tucked it behind her ears. _

"_Time…?"_

"_To let me go." She turned back around, smiling gently and resting her fingertips briefly against his cheek. _

"_What…?" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Wait, where were they? Where was this? _

_He raised his own hand to cup hers. She closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them, tears welling up in her eyes. _

_She walked to the water edge, beaming even through her tears. _

"_Alma? Where are you going?"He stepped forward, reaching his hand out. She gestured out at the never ending water, the lotus flowers blooming brightly. _

_He had a heavy feeling, and he said the first thing on his mind. _

"_I love you," He wanted to add 'please don't go', but she was already shaking her head._

"_I will always love you." She emphasized the word 'always'. The wind blew again and sent leaves swirling into the air. _

"_Yu…" _

"Kanda?" A feminine voice jolted him out of his state. He was remembering the dream he had the night before. He knew why he didn't want to tell her –Bryony Mason- his name. The idea of hearing her call his name, in any tone that she used, sent his heart pounding. He wanted to say unpleasantly, but if he couldn't even tell the truth in his head, where could he? If she were actually to call his name, with the gentle admiring tone he had only heard once…something inside him was going to break.

He had to stop himself from slamming a fist into the table, the thoughts were making him extremely angry.

_Damn it! _

He was in the dining hall now eating, well, he hadn't touched his food yet. Lenalee was looking at him worriedly from across the table. She had popped in to chat, probably because of that sense she always seemed to have when something was wrong. He hated that sense of hers, usually because it was right.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"I'm fine." It came out rougher than he intended.

"Really? You looked really…sad." She said the word like it was foreign to her, and it probably was when it came to describing him.

"No. He's putting me off." He glared at the table at the other end of the room, where bean sprout was eating like there was no tomorrow.

"Haha, well, that's just Allen. I thought you would've become used to it by now." She laughed, a little uneasily, he noticed.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked.

"H-huh? Oh, nothing much…"She smiled in almost a panicked manner. He gave her a look and she flinched.

"It's nothing, just….Bree was sent out on her first mission today with Marie. She was really enthusiastic about it, but I'm worried, it's not uncommon for new exorcists to…" Lenalee trailed off, face falling and her hands fidgeting non-stop.

"Die." He finished, it had never bothered him to be straightforward before, but it sent his stomach into knots. No wonder he hadn't seen her in the morning. He felt his temper flare up at the notion he had noticed, getting up and throwing his food away. He walked past the table, where Lenalee was still looking glum.

"She won't die." He glanced down at her and she looked up in surprise. After a moment, she visibly relaxed and took a breath.

"That means a lot from you. Thank you, Kanda." Lenalee smiled. His eyes flickered to the other side of the hall.

"Bean sprout's worried about you." He wouldn't have said that normally, but as much as he hated to admit it, bean sprout could make her laugh. Right now, she needed to laugh. He walked out of the room, clenching his fists tightly. It wasn't that he didn't trust Marie, in fact, Marie was one of the only people he trusted that much, but….

She was a fucking ditz. She couldn't walk three steps without falling. He knew she had been training, but that kind of carelessness was fatal on the battle field.

* * *

**2 weeks later:**

Kanda swivelled suddenly, getting up from where he was bobbing down. A shrill yell had come out from the building, followed by crashes and sounds of utter destruction. He had been there long enough to know what it meant. Komui's shit had got loose again.

_Fuck._

Last time he had ignored it, his room had been destroyed. He would slice up whatever was making a racket and hurry back down to finish up.

* * *

He sheathed Mugen, watching Komui cry over the sliced up remains of his stupid robot. Hands grabbed his shoulders.

"Phew, good job Yu!" Lavi peeked out from behind him. Kanda shrugged him off briskly.

"Don't touch me, stupid rabbit." He growled.

"Naw, why are you still so uptight? Bree's already back!" He whined. Kanda suppressed a jolt.

_She's back?_

"Why would I care?" He glared, stalking past him. Lenalee came running up from the hall with Marie, looking anxious. He quickly scanned Marie up and down, he looked uninjured.

"Kanda, have you seen Bree? She just got back and was in the infirmary, but she disappeared when the head nurse was preoccupied." Lenalee frowned.

"Why the fuck would I know?" He glowered in annoyance and she sighed.

"Kanda, don't be like that." Marie scolded.

"Che. Whatever." He brushed past them.

"Where're you going? Aren't you gonna help us look for Bree?" Lavi called from behind him.

"No." He headed down the stairs. He didn't need to look for her.

He already knew where she was.

* * *

She was squatting down in front of the small garden, gently touching the petals of the blooming flowers. Her favourites-pink camellias, she talked about them often- had grown a little wild, but he couldn't bring himself to cut them. Her other hand was cradled in her lap, he could see bandages wrapped loosely around her wrist. He halted a couple of steps away from her, now that he was here, he didn't want to be.

"Go back to the infirmary." He ordered.

"Ah, there's grumpy."She sighed, the corners of her lips curling up minutely.

"I'll drag you back." He threatened flatly. She ignored him and he scowled, stepping forward.

"You took care of the garden." She tilted her head, smile still on her face. That smile was real. But her eyes had lost a little of their mischievous gleam. That's what happened to naïve rookies on missions from the Order. They learnt it wasn't fun and games.

"No." He denied immediately. She finally looked at him, untied hair glinting in the sun. The smile turned a little cheeky and he got a bad feeling. She held up her hand and his bracelet dangled from her fingers.

"So…this just happened to be beside it?"She tilted her head. He looked down in shock at his wrist and realised the beaded bracelet really wasn't around his wrist.

He had taken it off and put it in his pocket because he didn't want to get it dirty.

_Damn. Must've fallen out. _

To be caught blatantly lying….he grimaced and felt the disgusting heat rush to his cheeks. She stood up and walked over slowly, holding the bracelet out to him. He almost stepped back but held his ground, snatching it out of her hand. A look of hurt flashed across her face and he felt like someone stabbed him in the stomach. It felt like someone had then decided to twist the same knife when tears started run down her face and she raised her arm like a child to cry into her forearm.

_Oh, shit…_

"Why are you crying, idiot?"

"Shut up! I…was excited. I was finally getting the chance to prove myself to the great….mysterious, unpleasable swordsman. But when I met the first akuma, I was so scared. Marie was so nice, you know, he got rid of most of them." She took a deep breath, sniffing. Kanda narrowed his eyes at her. Her arm dropped and her red tinged eyes came into view, tears still flowing down her cheeks. He hated it with a passion. She shouldn't be crying.

"The one that got through….it looked like a little girl. I…I killed her and it feels….well, it feels awful, even if….I know she was already dead. It's silly, I'm just being weak…sorry to rain on your parade, grumpy." She laughed shakily.

* * *

It was really pitiful, I was trying not to shake and sniffle like a child in front of who I was trying to prove myself to the most.

I don't know since when. Maybe when I started to watch him train, or maybe it had already started when he carried me up the stairs. I don't know, but at one stage I realised that the impatient and easily irritated man made my heart race. Made me feel lightheaded. Made my stomach fill with butterflies. Made me dream. It was easy to see where this was going.

I had fallen in love with someone who wouldn't even tell me his name.

"Che. What did you expect, scissors?"

I faltered, wringing my hands. Which was a bad idea, seeing as my wrist was hurt. I winced, accidentally loosening the bandages. They unravelled and there was a sigh of exasperation as surprisingly slender fingers caught the material.

"What the hell did you to your wrist?" He quickly retied the bandage, cool fingers running along my wrist carefully. I coughed, letting out an embarrassed laugh.

"It was a stupid injury. I tripped when I was getting off the train and landed on it awkwardly."I rubbed my eyes clear of tears with my uninjured hand. His cheek twitched and I flinched, expecting a harsh insult about how stupid and clumsy I was.

He slipped his bracelet back on and his head turned to the side slightly. I looked at him in confusion as a disbelieving half grimace half smirk grew on his face.

"Broken bones. Internal injuries. Missing limbs. Severe concussion."He pressed his palm into his forehead, a clear action of frustration. The hair covering his eyes was mussed by his hand, but he paid no attention at all, just looked incredulous and a little angry. He looked at me from the corner of his eye.

"What…?" I asked in confusion.

"You….All these injuries I imagined, you…you come back with an injury from tripping on the fucking _train…._?" The hand on his forehead curled into a fist and he yanked it down beside him.

_He was….worried?_

There were lines on his face from his grimace, and I wanted to smooth them out from his face. How could he still be so achingly beautiful with that expression?

"Go back to the infirmary," He finally said through gritted teeth.

"But I'm not done-"I turned to look at the garden and I heard a frustrated snarl from behind me. I yelped as my feet were swept out from underneath me. He held me against his warm chest, annoyed expression on his face. He strode up the stairs with frightening speed. I held my hands in my lap, face burning as I stared at my fingers.

"At least you didn't throw me over your shoulder this time." I laughed, sneaking a glance from beneath my hair, and my heart skipped a beat when I met his eyes. He looked away calmly, and I flushed even redder at my own embarrassment. He wasn't flustered at all.

_I want to see him smile. _

"Kanda," He suddenly said.

"Huh?" I looked up in surprise.

"Kanda Yu."

My eyes widened and the warm feeling in my chest almost exploded. A wide, happy smile made its way across my face.

"Don't. Say. Anything." He warned. I nodded mutely, still smiling.

"Don't cry either. It's embarrassing."

I sniffed, nodding again.

* * *

"_I know you love me. But….it really is time, isn't it?" She stretched, reaching her fingertips to the sky. She took in a deep breath happily, still looking out at the sparkling water. _

"_Yeah. I won't forget you, Alma. Never." He looked into her gentle eyes, heart aching, but it was a sweet kind of aching. _

"_I know, Yu. Goodbye." She smiled, sad but blissful tears sliding down her cheeks. She stepped forward out onto the lotus covered water top and he felt a tear slide down his cheek, feeling anguished and at some sort of inner peace to be about to lose her. No, not lose. Let her go. He smiled at her one last time….and then she was gone with the sweet breeze. He was alone, looking out to the water. _

"_Kanda?" A soft voice called. Or not. _

_He straightened, glancing around. There was a pink flower where there wasn't one before. He bent over, touching the soft petals. He knew these flowers. They were the ones grown in _her_-Bryony Mason- garden. Her favourites. He had been the one who had taken care of them while she was gone. The ones he didn't want to cut. _

_She told him what they meant once, but it had slipped his mind._

"_Y….Yu?" The voice stammered and something did break inside him. The things holding him back. _

_Oh, now he remembered what they meant. _

'_Longing for you' _

His eyes opened and he released a long breath. He was lying on top of his covers and he raised his hand to his eyes. He sat up and wiped away the tears there with a grimace.

It had been a long time since he had woken up crying and he gritted his teeth together in annoyance. But something that was usually tight in his chest was gone. It was replaced with a nagging sensation, telling him to find her.

_Bryony Mason._

There was a knock on his door and he narrowed his eyes. He thought that knock was only in his dream. It became slightly more impatient and insistent and he scowled, striding towards the door.

"What-"He flung open the door and lost track of the words he was about to say. Of course it would be her.

_Are those….flowers?_

"Um! Sorry, I know it's rude or…something to call you by your first name but you weren't coming to the door and-"

"What do you want?" He interrupted her babble. He tried not to smirk at her instantaneous pout and kept himself from being impulsive.

_I want to hug her._

He waited for the familiar anger that would usually accompany that thought. It was shocking when none came. Refreshingly shocking.

* * *

"Right, right, just wait." I frowned, trying not to grip the stems of the flowers I was holding too tightly. I was also trying not to stammer and flush a brilliant red. His hair was down and his clothes was slightly crumpled, a rare sight. Somehow, it just made him look….sexy.

_Focus. _

Yes, I was there to give Kanda flowers. But only because when I was on the mission, I realised where I had seen his expression before, and because I was far better at conveying feelings with flowers….here I was.

But I started to doubt myself, his expression was different from usual. Maybe it was the lighting.

"Well, do you mind if I come in?" I asked. His face stayed emotionless, but his eyes narrowed a little. I stifled a shiver and let a brilliant smile grow on my face.

"Oh, but it's perfectly fine if I stay here, I just thought you might not want other people to see a girl giving you flowers…" I shrugged flamboyantly. I saw him twitch a little.

"Also, if you close the door, I'm going to sit down right here and cry. Which one do you think is easier?" I smiled angelically. His breath hissed through his teeth agitatedly.

"Che." He reluctantly opened the door and I skipped in. He closed the door and crossed his arms, leaning against the door. His long hair spilled over his shoulder and he pushed it back tiresomely.

"Hurry up." He muttered. To be honest, I was surprised he hadn't cut the flowers in two and let me cry outside his door.

_Is he acting a little different today? Maybe he's sick…? It would explain the slightly flushed look. _

"Right, um, well….here." I thrust my hand out in front of me, offering the handful of flowers I had picked. White poppies and a single pink camellia. They weren't usually grouped together, but I wanted to show him how the pink camellias outside had grown. It had taken me a while to find the perfect one.

"I'm not taking them." He looked at them with a scowl. My head drooped slightly and I turned the stems in my hand.

"Well, I can't say I didn't expect that….it's just that when I first saw you, you had this…look. It was always there under the glares, under the growls, and I tried to remember where I had seen it before. I finally put it together, and even though I might be wrong…" I glanced up, looking into his unblinking eyes. There was something that was a little less cold about them. I dismissed the thought.

_He probably actually has a fever…_

"White poppies symbolise dreams, but are more commonly used for offering condolences, you know? That look you had, I had seen it before on people. It was the look people had when they came in to buy flowers…..flowers to put on someone's grave." I couldn't really keep up the smile I was trying to maintain. It hurt me inside, the way he always looked like he was carrying something heavy, always, always mourning.

"I just…thought I should offer my condolences…if I'm wrong, you can just ignore that. On….on another note, I bought a pink camellia, I thought you might want to see how beautiful they had grown…" I sighed, shaking my head in self ridicule. He had been very still ever since I began talking, other than the slight jerk when I mentioned 'someone's grave'. I started to worry about my safety, I had probably overstepped some sort of personal boundary. He still stood against the door and I walked up to him.

"Forget it, sorry for interrupting you." I smiled sheepishly, moving the flowers to my other hand so I could reach for the door handle. He didn't move from his spot, and I reluctantly looked up. I didn't realise how close I was to him, and my breath caught in my throat. There weren't any lines that usually accompanied his face, neither was the glare. His mesmerising dark eyes were almost-_almost-_ gentle and the corners of his lips were slightly higher, as if he was laughing at an inner joke.

"Uh, t-the door, if I could just…." I stammered. He didn't budge, and my face started to burn. Finally, he shifted to the side and I grasped the door knob like it was a lifeline. I had only just begun to turn the handle when his hand slammed against it, holding it closed.

"Wait. If you're so good at recognising looks…"He tilted his head a little higher, like a challenge. "Tell me. What look?"

I was taken aback and I gaped at him a little.

"You want me to…tell you what look you have?" I asked disbelievingly. He nodded and I saw a familiar twitch of impatience. For some reason, that relaxed me more than when he looked calm.

"Fine," I said, boldly stepping closer to him. I tilted my head, unashamedly running my eyes across his face.

_Hmmmm…? He doesn't seem sick…is it particularly warm in here? Or has his expression actually changed?_

I noticed his eyes sweeping along my face as well and tried to ignore it.

"Well, it's more relaxed and less tense…but now you're starting to feel a little awkward and you don't like the scrutiny." I raised my hand automatically to brush his hair out of the way when it fell forward. I froze halfway through the motion and I caught the intake of breath Kanda took.

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Just keep going." He growled and I frowned at him.

"Now, that's no way to talk to a la-"I chided but was stopped by the look he shot me. I sighed and started looking again.

"So…there's a very faint tinge to your cheeks…" My hand hovered carefully and I waved my fingers over his cheek. "Your lips are slightly parted and you're breathing a little hard, as much as you're trying to control it…" I talked automatically, and my fingers brushed over the various indicators I was talking about.

"You aren't just looking into my eyes, you're also looking over the details of my face-which, by the way, makes me very self conscious-and though it's hard to see because of your eye colour, your pupils are dilated even though it's sufficiently bright in this room. If I didn't know better, Yu Kanda, I'd say you were in-"_love_.

I cut myself off, suddenly realising the meaning behind my words and my hand hovering at his cheek. My heart started beating so loud that he could probably hear it. A flush returned to my cheeks and I stepped back immediately, eyes flickering towards the door handle and his hand, which was still pressed against it.

"In what?" His voice was a little hoarse, and I turned, back now pressed to the door as he stepped around and forward. I felt a little like a trapped animal. I could see his hand from the corner of my eye, and he was tall enough that I was eye to eye with his neck. He tilted his head downwards a little to look me in the eye. I was still tightly holding the stems in my hand, and now I gripped it with my other hand to my chest, using it like some sort of barrier between me and the unwavering swordsman.

"N-nothing, it was stupid, I should go-"

"Say it." He did nothing short of demand it. I flinched and raised the flowers a bit higher to hide from the intense gaze he was now staring at me with, and to hide my own bright red face. I moved my hands forward, flowers still in hand, and tried to maintain some space between us by pushing him back and regaining some control. It didn't really work on account of our strength differences, I just ended up pressing my hands against his warm chest. I could feel his heartbeat pounding underneath my fingertips, and it was very distracting.

"You're acting odd, a-are you feeling alright?" I couldn't keep the stammer out of my voice and I was too embarrassed to meet his eyes. Cold fingers made me shiver as they slid along under my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

_What is going on? There is something wrong with him! _

"Say it." He repeated with the same authoritative tone, except this time he sounded like he was enjoying teasing me. Kanda did not tease. Kanda did not act like this. Kanda certainly did not step closer and tilt my face higher.

"A-alright! If you let go, I-I'll tell you!" I resisted the urge to squeeze my eyes shut, he could probably feel my heart accelerating and pounding in my neck. There was a pause and the fingers loosened, sliding away. Now that they were gone, I missed the feeling they had brought.

"I-If I didn't know better, Y-Yu Kanda, I'd s-say you were in….l-love." I looked away, embarrassed tears almost forming in my eyes. He was going to scoff or poke fun at me. Why was he being so mean?

_This is so embarrassing….! _

"And?" His hair tickled my face as he somehow came even closer. I squirmed, hating myself for being so easily manipulated.

"And what?" I plucked up the courage to retort.

"What's your reply?" He asked flatly.

"R-reply?"

"You said I was in love. You're the only person in here. What's. Your. Reply?"

I was stunned for a moment, and my brain raced. If it was possible, my face got even hotter.

"Reply to…?" I said slowly.

"What the hell do you think?" He said impatiently.

"Right! Sorry!" I squeaked. My heart ricocheted in my chest and I could feel my hands shaking a little.

_Is he really asking me whether I…._

"I…lo…"

And then I had a sudden epiphany. Who cares if he's really asking me? To hell with it, I wanted to tell him. So what if it was completely wrong to what I thought he was asking? I loved him and I wanted him to know it, regardless of the repercussions.

"Yu Kanda, I love yo-"

He cut me off suddenly with a kiss and all thought flew out of my head. After a beat I vaguely realised I had dropped the flowers and a little voice inside my head reminded not to crush them as I stepped forward and raised my arms to wrap them around his neck. I had to tiptoe a little as I kissed back gently and I felt his arms encircle my waist to pull me closer to him, pulling my back away from the wall. It was surprisingly tender for a person like him, and so, so sweet I almost cried.

My heart felt like it was going to explode with happiness, but I eventually had to open my eyes and breathe. I held his face in my hands, reluctantly pulling my lips away from his. His hair cascaded over his shoulders and ran along my arms. I breathed shakily, and he rested his forehead against mine. I moved my hand over his heart, feeling the strong hammering, and stepped back breathily, almost having to force my arm to push away a little. I looked up to his face, and I saw one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen.

Kanda was smiling, even if it was a minute one, a tiny, miniscule one, and his eyes were the most tender I had ever seen them.

"I love you, Bryony Mason." He murmured, almost a smug or relieved look on his face. My name flowed off his tongue, even though when anyone else said it, it sounded like a cat being sliced up. I smiled uncontrollably up at him, a happy blush decorating my cheeks. I whacked my hand against collarbone.

"Geez! And you made me say it first…" I covered my mouth with the back of my hand in embarrassment. His eyes flickered down briefly and he bent over to pick up the scattered flowers. He raised them to his face, smelling them….almost mockingly. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and smirked.

"Not bad. But…" He shuffled through them and handed all but one back to me. I took them, looking at him inquisitively. He held the single pink camellia flower in his hand, and he looked up from it to meet my eyes.

"I only need this one."

* * *

AN: Yay! Done! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed :)


	3. Bryony Mason picture, you say?

Hello! This isn't another chapter, sorry to spam your mailboxes with such :D But I thought it was pretty cool, so I decided to tell you guys about it, there's a picture of our very own Bryony up :D! You know, just in case you wanted to take a peek at how she looked :)

I'm sorry for being lazy! But I can't be bothered working out how to make it so that I can post links here, I'll still post it here but if it's a mess of slashes or numbers or weird broken internet links, it probably didn't work D: But if you head over to my profile, you can scroll down to the story updates/info, find this story and copy&paste the link I'm going to put there now and see the pic :D

Fail link (?): /4ZAZp

Belated Happy New Year wishes from SmilingChipmunk and Bryony! I hope you have a fantastic year full of smiles and awesomeness!


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